Well, it won’t be in next week’s newspaper either.

From here on out, Shiftless when idle will appear bi-monthly. My editor, Stacey, and I have talked about it for a few weeks and the decision just makes sense.

The reality is that in less than nine months I’ll be living in North Carolina. This should help make the transition easier.

People will still be able to read my column every other week, but now they’ll also have a chance to enjoy some other local voices. The shift will also allow me to cover a couple more news stories on the weeks I’m not sharing an opinion or an adventure.

And now for something completely different: this week’s column.

After work next Thursday I’m heading home to New Jersey as I tend to do roughly every two months. This, however, will not be my typical visit. In fact, I suspect it’s going to be kind of strange.

For the first time since I moved to upstate New York more than a year and a half ago, I will be in New Jersey and my fiancée won’t. Instead, Jen will frolic, dance and engage in all the other sprightly activities elementary school counselors in North Carolina are famous for.

The last time I went home was for our engagement party at the end of July. We actually won’t see one another face-to-face again until the first week of November. I don’t know which one I like more, our conflicting schedules or the distance.

So, no Jen time in New Jersey, which translates to no real agenda.

I do have a good reason for going to the Garden State though. I need to get my brother plastered.

You see, my younger and only sibling, Tim, turns 21 on Wednesday, Sept. 26. I feel it’s my duty as his older and wiser brother to make sure he’s unable to remember at least portions of his milestone birthday while I’m home for the weekend.

No preaching about the dangers of binge drinking or any of that, thank you. I’m hardly a regular boozer, but if you knew my brother you’d want to get him drunk too.

An extremely bookish lad, Tim dresses and speaks in a manner characteristic of literature professors, which isn’t a real shocker since that’s his career aspiration. Tim, who commutes to Rutgers University in Camden, rarely drinks; you’re much more likely to spot him at the library than at a party.

I know my mother will take him out for dinner, and I think my dad is buying tickets to a Phillies game, but somebody needs to give Tim the opportunity to cut loose. Most of his close friends are still underage, so that’s where I come in.

I’m really excited about taking Tim out because he’s a fairly quiet and reserved person. Luckily for us, there’s a great bar within walking distance from our house. I don’t even need to worry about the possibility of Tim vomiting in or on my car.

Part of the reason I’m determined to make Tim’s 21st birthday a blast is that my own experience was rather disappointing. I had two midterms that day, and didn't even get home from school until around 7 p.m.

At the liquor store, I wasn’t carded. What a bummer. I wound up buying a six pack of Yuengling Black & Tan and a bottle of merlot, as well as two DVDs at a nearby Blockbuster. The highlight of my night was drinking a single beer as I watched “Trainspotting.”

I’d like to close this week’s column by wishing my roommate Jeff a happy 27th birthday.

Resolution update:

Weight: 148 (-12)