We found out people “back in the days” worried that working as Rosie the Riveter might “masculinize” women. Today most of us are comfortable with women chefs and police officers, stay-at-home daddies, and the doctor who walks into the room being a man or a woman.

But for many of us married a long time, gender roles were set at the altar and haven’t budged a lot since. For others, the lines between “men’s work” and “women’s work” have had to blur as abilities have changed (she drives the car now that he has trouble seeing and he makes the pancakes because her hands shake). If handled with care, after retirement chore trading can become a comfortable arrangement. You do what you have to do to get the job done, whether or not dad or mom did it when you were young. Traditional gender roles no longer need apply.

While young working couples today often divide up their tasks according to appeal or ability, those of us raised in “traditional” homes may find it a little harder to adjust.  But it can be fun to follow abilities and affinities rather than stereotypes. Has she always longed to tinker under the hood of a car? Is he willing to take spaghetti sauce lessons from his mother-in-law?

And think of the rewards. One of our friends gets absolutely fawned over for his delicious blueberry pies. As does the fellow who regularly Swiffers the kitchen floor without being asked.

I grew up in a household where my dad made baking powder biscuits for our Sunday breakfast and in my own marriage, when I got stuck on jury duty, my husband stuffed and made the Thanksgiving turkey. Now my son and his wife take turns cooking the holiday or guest dinners.

He’s in charge of grocery shopping and she takes the dogs out for exercise and to obedience classes.

Some changes come naturally or gradually. Maybe Gertie has always had a knack for numbers, but Bert handled the checkbook. How about changing places now that he forgets where he put the bills? My sister could program any electronic device in a few minutes. Her husband always kept cheese and crackers on hand for unexpected guests.

Sometimes role-switching isn’t a choice and can turn into a problem, bringing on resistance or causing arguments. A woman we know is gradually assuming the driving tasks in her household, and she hates to drive. Perhaps if she takes a driving class (you can even take one online) or gets a friendlier car (the one she drives now is hard to steer and has a manual shift), she will feel better about the transition. When my writing partner’s husband had abdominal surgery, after a few choice words for all the snowstorms one winter, she got so adept at clearing their walkway that she even came over and bailed me out after a storm.

A man I met in our laundry room one day held up a bottle of detergent and said “I don’t know how much to use.” Well,” I said,” instructions are right on the bottle and there’s even a picture.”

The same advice goes for women who can learn to change washers and set up computers. You are probably more competent than you think. My son always cons me into trying to take care of things myself before he rescues me. (I am prone to try to put three hole prongs in two hole plugs.)

I am really pleased, as he is, when I call and say, “Hey, I figured it out myself.”

If you are faced with taking on a nontraditional role or updating a skill, think about classes, how-to books or even listening to the radio.  I learned a lot about my car listening to Car Talk on Saturday mornings as I drove around doing chores.  It gave me great satisfaction to go to my repairman and say I thought there was something wrong with the right front CV joint…and to be right!

Used book stores are gold mines of manuals for using or repairing that blender or pressure cooker you’ve had since your wedding shower. You’ll be amazed at the number of do-it-yourself books to be found on the shelves of your local public library. And when you sit back in your easy chair to turn on the TV, check the food and house and garden channels, plus This Old House on PBS, for entertainment and instruction.

Don’t hesitate to ask someone to teach you how to fix a dripping faucet or make a batch of soup. You just might find out you are a talented amateur plumber or cook. My favorite do-it-yourself woman was a friend who drove an 18-wheeler and stopped the front tires on a mark for a commercial. My favorite do-it-yourself man was my husband who, when we were young and poor and needed curtains  (I don’t sew), cut them out of felt and put them up with snap hangers.

So next time the trash has to go out, think not about whose job it is, but about who has the biggest muscles from working out at the local YMCA Silver Sneakers classes.